Emotional Decision Making Is Bad

There once was a time when I was having a conversation with a female friend. She was dealing with some drama in her life and the whole situation was rapidly spiraling out of control. This conversation took place about five months ago. Looking back with the benefit of hindsight, the whole situation actually ended up going nuclear. It’s now a complete and utter disaster and a lot of relationships are likely ruined forever. The most regrettable aspect of the whole deal was the fact that it all could have been avoided.

That’s what she and I were talking about. She was trying to figure out what she was going to do. I kind of had an idea of what I thought she should do but as usual, when giving someone advice, it’s usually not helpful to offer an unsolicited opinion. The best results seem to come from leading the person in trouble to the correct solution. That way, they feel like they were the ones to devise the fix of their own accord. This gives them a sense of ownership over the solution and they’re more likely to pull it off.

After listening to her for a half hour, much to my surprise, she made the wrong decision. So, I pivoted and changed the subject. I asked her, “Can you give me an example of a time when you made a good decision while you were being emotional?” She thought for a bit but then eventually got defensive. She could obviously tell what I was getting at. After all, the implications were pretty obvious. She just decided she was going to do something emotional. I asked her how emotional decisions had worked out for her in the past. She couldn’t come up with any good answers.

Because I’m a bit of an asshole, I then went ahead and proceeded to list several examples of when her previous emotional decisions proceeded to blow up in her face spectacularly. That didn’t go over so hot. However, it proved my point. To let you guys in on some of the fun…

There was a period during which she was “dating” a guy who was considerably out of her league. He was a few years older than her, and his net worth was probably 15 to 20 times what hers was. Anyone on the outside looking in could clearly tell what she was bringing to the table in that relationship. A few of us kind of cautioned her that she probably shouldn’t be getting involved with someone like him. We didn’t know what we were talking about according to her. Yet unsurprisingly, about a year and a half into that relationship, the dude dumped her because he thought he could find a better piece of meat or something like that. She was a bit of a mess afterward and ever since she seems to think that a guy of his caliber is now “her level” which is problematic to be sure.

I was kind enough to remind her how that whole relationship was an example of an emotional decision she made that didn’t go super well for her. She got pissed off, a.k.a. emotional, and it took a while until she stopped pouting long enough for us to make forward progress once again. Eventually, we settled on the fact that she really should figure out what she wants from her life and then cut out all the people who are standing between her and her goals. That was what I was going to recommend to her initially if I was in the unsolicited advice business. It’s better to be completely alone than to be surrounded by people who make you miserable. A lot of people are so terrified of being alone that they don’t realize this.

That said, it’s better to be around people who make you happy than to be alone. So don’t think you can swear off people altogether. But anyway, why did I bother writing this up? Basically, to get at the titular point, which is that emotions and decisions don’t mix. As a guy, if I acted on my emotions, I’d probably be in jail right now. That or I’d be dead. I suppose there’s also a chance I could be married and divorced too.

What are emotional decisions? Deciding to punch the guy at the bar when he insults your favorite sports team. Slashing your boss’ tires when he cuts your yearly bonus. Telling everyone Becky is a hoe just because she said your pants didn’t fit right. The list could go on and on. There’s really no end to opportunities to be emotional. One of the most damaging emotional decisions is infidelity. This is especially so if you have children.

There aren’t many better ways to rip apart a relationship. Take a man who cheats on his wife. Now sure, maybe his wife is a bag and maybe she’s closed up shop. The man could be on the annual plan which is not the place that a man wants to be. Yet, at the same time, the decision to step out and cheat has explosive implications that will echo through the whole family. His wife, no matter how deserving she is, will feel betrayed. The kids will be disappointed. The same will go for the grandchildren if there are any. It even extends to the community as a whole. Word will get out and everyone will know that the man stepped out on his wife.

It’s rather horrifying in a way. Two people, a man from one family and a woman from another could very easily ruin a dozen lives in one night. All they have to do is get caught fornicating in a bar bathroom. And that’s just the thing. Almost all emotional decisions carry with them the same weight of destruction. Infidelity aside, investing is another example that comes to mind. Billions if not trillions of dollars have been lost by people panic selling. The same goes for suicide which is sometimes called, “A permanent solution to a temporary problem.” War is yet another example. I’m sure there’s no shortage of stupid wars that have been fueled solely by emotions running rampant.

When you start digging into it, emotions seem really bad. They cause endless problems. They can lose you everything, even your life. Yet without them, we cease to be humans. So, what is one to do about the matter? Well, fortunately, this has been a known problem for eons at this point. The solution that has been arrived upon is to… control your damn emotions.

“You have power over your mind – not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength” -Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

“The best fighter is never angry.” – Lao Tzu

“I cannot trust a man to control others who cannot control himself.” – Robert E. Lee

“The intelligent desire self-control; children want candy.” – Rumi

“Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.” – Proverbs 25:28

Overall, you get the point. All of these people are saying the same thing. The difference between a man and a child is the amount of self-mastery one possesses. A child is controlled by its desires. A man is controlled by himself. We would all do well to keep this in mind when we’re making decisions. Especially when we’re contemplating our next bar fight.